0. welcome to a day in an unlife
1. countdown
a. what is it?
is anyone listening?
is anyone out there?
or is it just me
lying in the darkness
lying in my misery
lying to my self?
is anything happening?
is anything even real?
or is it just me
crying in the darkness
crying in my corner
crying for my self?
is anywhere secure?
is anywhere my shelter?
or is it just me?
b. it's it.
am i the only one out there?
am i the only one even real?
then that must be me
dying in this darkness
dying in my perversion
murdering myself
this return to zero
this bottomless hole
this vacuum won't breathe
this emptiness forever
this dissolution
this ends.
2. never innocent
why do i always wind up
having reasons
to want to die?
maybe cause if i live though
it might get better
it can always get worse?
not like the proof isn't there
things always go wrong
someone steps on my head
each time i get it out of the sand.
suicide, the dream i've chased
ever since that bullied little boy
realized that the world is against him
and no one else gives a fuck.
(though when someone has cared
i get fucked double, triple in the end)
spending all those lonely days,
lonely nights to amuse/abuse myself,
there is sometimes nothing to do
and i just sit there and cry.
forever unwanted
negative reaction
hopeless derivations
of my suicidal failures.
chasing my tail
hoping to never grab it.
and i do it to myself.
3. how the end always is
no hope
no love
no pain
no life
no clue
no chance
no idea
no reason
no help
no desire
no more.
no pounding
no questioning
no ringing
no absolution
no solution
no concepts
no happiness
no suffering
no sanity
no fear
no more.
- 12/11/96, 12:35 - 1:15 am