useless
i feel the need to write
without the words to define
the detachment, removal, unknown
except the feeling all is wrong
otherwise i haven't got a clue
nothing in particular
no clues to corrections
anomalies grow in my mind
and feed off the torture within
why? what is wrong?
what have (not) i done?
what the fuck does it mean?
blankness stares me in the face
emptiness within my soul
unfulfilled dreams burnt ashes
litter the landscape as far as all
mushroom clouds and melted winters
all gone, the rubble shows no traces
when will all this hurt be gone?
- 9/21/96, 11:50 pm
as always
broken within
clear as day
darkness invasive
ending it all
forcing my hands
going to destroy
holding this power
incapable of use
just one more try
kill this void
lost all usefulness
made to suffer
never to reach
out in the world
placed in my cage
quietly suffering
raging uncontrolled
sickening and destroying
trying to come back
used all of naught
victimized by myself
wars inside my head
no more, still alone
(to the top)(repeat infinitely)
- 9/22/96, midnight - 12:05am
self-inflicted genocide
nothing applies
in this world of unknowns
empty variables
signify the sum of the world
all i have known
is revealed to mean nothing
i feel, oddly, reborn
just to learn that i don't live
knowledge means all
but everything rounds to zero
empty variables
signify the sum of my world
all i'll ever know
gone by in a blaze of glory
i feel like it's over
when will it begin again?
and what will the empty variables tend to?
and from which direction?
- 9/22/96, 12:30 am