holding patterns (up to the light)
"but if that presence coming makes you feel too tense
don't let the anger boil, keep keeping up your fence."
- foetus, "they are not so true"
uncertainties unbound upset
and obscure all potential.
it is unrealistic to expect anything
ever going as planned.
the infinite expanse of opportunity,
at once generous and merciless,
introduces interference inherent in
a chaotic vector-driven system.
i had massive constructs in place once
to defend a wounded spirit from change
which enabled me to heal sufficiently;
i paid for it with emotional isolation.
this is not some place
i wish to return to.
but now i'm wandering across
desolate pathways as i feel myself
reaching a nexus of possibilities
that will forever revise all i will become.
my reaction is to outrun the fear of
reality randomly reorienting the road.
impatience through frustrations
has often led to my downfall.
i need a place of comfort and warmth
where i can catch my breath.
my mind requires relief from racing
through the calculations of constantly
changing million-square matrices
in an effort to find my way home.
- 1/6/04, 2:25 - 3:15 am