nothing ventured is nothing gained. but one can venture and lose. and lose. and lose till there is naught left to lose but the self. and then that, too, can end. and the world ends, and there is sadness. the one thing that can never be taken away from the self. truth is disappointment - it leads that there is nothing out there besides the self. what to do? a bullet in the head or a pat on the back? a wake-up call or a funeral march? the infinite nothing of living catch-22...
if i disappeared from reality
and i have made a sound
yet none are there to bear witness
what change has it wrought?
whose ends would it serve?
and why would no one care?
loose ends of this rope uncombine
and disassociate and deny
and define the beginning of endings reserved
implode, constrict - defenseless, scattered
and trying to hold it all together...
- 11/18/96, 5:25 - 5:35 am