"i'd like to fly, but my wings have
been so denied..."
- alice in chains, "down in a hole"
"i'm down to just one thing, and i'm starting to scare myself..."
- nine inch nails, "something i can never have"
to this end i know i've turned out well
but getting there has been my own little hell
the scars in my mind
this victim of crime
forced back into his welded shut cell
from this end it seems like i'm alright
but getting here has only been a never-ending fight
to escape from this hole
i hope with my soul
pushing forth into the light
at this end i feel like such a sham
but getting away from me is always what i plan
strong from without
yet inside there's doubt
of hope for the irrational afraid man
for this end i wish it all away
but getting close to you only makes me want to stay
lost within my mind
that soon i just might find
that tomorrow is to be a better day
- 3/7/97, 2:55 - 3:05 am
author's note: definitely one of my rawest, and most optimistic, poems from this time. i definitely knew i could find my way out of the mess i was in; more and more convincingly, i believed it was more "when" than "if." i always wondered if this is limerick format. it wasn't my intention to do so - i was thinking more lyrically, although i know i didn't get hung up on rhythm so much here. the two song lyrics at the top were lines that, at the time, really hit me hard emotionally. i still have trouble listening to both songs, as they represent a far more depressing time in my life.