alien
“they say if you look hard
you’ll find your way back home”
-soundgarden, “zero chance”
which way went
nowhere?
home. within poisoned ideology.
barbed tongue. pierced heart.
bruised soul. tissuepaper ego.
burning passion.
world devoid.
another enduring agony
concatenated.
filed corrupt.
errant overflow.
found faults within
optimistic logic
shorn – still, critical –
by braces of hope
warped, twisted through form
by the generosity of life
and the kindness of “fellow man.”
i need no more.
it always seems like
i’m being told… something.
i am still born to defy.
dying
to find my way home
those ways
forgotten,
as they could not exist.
which way was
nowhere?
i am lost.
i am loss.
(i’m walking home, baby.
and i haven’t far to go?)
- 12/25/98
author's note: really happy christmas, huh? written at my mom's house, where i usually am every christmas anyway. which leads me to the point of the poem... homelessness, in the sense of not understanding the feeling of "home," as opposed to not having a place to live. in a world where i never had safety, i had to learn to act as if i was always safe. it got me started along the line of thought that said i had to either make it happen or put the issue aside. on a music note, i was likely listening to soundgarden's "down on the upside" cd as i wrote this, and certainly chose the word "concatenated" as a nod to meshuggah's song "concatenation."