isn't it amazing
that one event
so fucking minor
changed my world?
if it happened later
would it be worse?
if it had happened
would it have been better?
what can i do
but crush the boundaries
as they appear
in front of me?
what must i do
to end this insanity
to breathe again
and live again?
impatience over
one second of pain
that won't go away
all things must pass...but when?
- 10/2/96, 7:10 - 7:20 pm, in ethics class
author's note: this was written during the period of time when i was having all the anxiety attacks or whatever the heck they were. the event refers to a minor car "accident" i had in june '96; i hit a really large pothole and dented a rim. a few days after that was when the attacks started, and for a long time i attributed one to the other, though in retrospect it was likely a straw breaking the camel's back deal. i wrote a lot of poetry during that ethics class; the teacher sucked, and i wound up dropping the class shortly after writing this poem.